New Blog. Part 3

Rewind.
Before I got preggers, I was able to maintain my weight loss fairly well. I gained 5 pounds back over the course of a year. I was still feeling great about it, and my clothes still fit the same. I was not upset about the 5 pounds at all. 
Then I got pregnant. 
When I was pregnant, I was very lucky to only have experienced 1 day where I could keep literally nothing down. Only a few days of morning sickness, and other than that if I got sick to my stomach then I just needed to eat some protein and I was fine. 
Sure, I experienced a change of appetite, things that I loved before I no longer could eat. Things I couldn't stand to eat before I began to crave and wanted to eat all the time. Like raw onion. I hate onions. But not when I am preggers. I craved them on salads, sandwiches, and onion rings. So weird. 
With that over the course of the 40 weeks, I gained 45 pounds. 
A little more than 1 pound a week. 
It was the heat of the summer, I was carrying a lot of water weight, I looked like I had elephantitise in my ankles, and my legs. You could push them in and they would stay with a fingerprint for a good 5 seconds. It was so weird. 
There are a lot of things about pregnancy that are so weird.
After I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy, all 6 pounds and 6 ounces of him, I was left needing to lose an other 30 pounds. 
Back to where I was the first time I tried to lose weight. 
After Patrick turned 1 I gained more weight. I was suffering with major baby blues depression and was just depressed about my life in general. The extra weight did not help. 
I am the type of person that will suffer with depression my whole life. It runs in my family, and it will be a constant struggle for me if I don't keep it in check. 
I joined weight watchers again, and was able to lose another 25 pounds. Still a good 10 pounds from my pre-preggers weight. 
Still, I was okay with it. I felt better. Not great. I was not on top of the world. I was just in the world. I am sure that my depression was a factor in the fact that I really did not care that much. 
I started working again. And during that time I gained 10 pounds back. 
Which makes me at the point of where my weight was been for the last, almost, 3 years. 
My child is 3 and I have yet to reach my pre-preggers weight. I have yet to make my goal weight. And I keep playing the up and down game on the scale. Which is so not good for you. 
Which brings me to the point of this blog.
I am going to use this blog as a personal journal. How personal? I am not yet sure. 
I know I am not ready to write actual numbers down. I am too embarrassed. 
I am going to use this blog as a place where I can write down my ups and downs. 
My struggle with my body image, my struggle to lose weight, and My struggle with my self esteem. 
I am not sure how interesting this blog will be. I am not sure what it will become. 
I am not sure what I will become through blogging.
I am not sure what will happen. 
But...
I am sure that my struggle will be a lifetime struggle. 
I am sure that I will have ups and downs.
I am sure that I will hit road blocks.
I am sure that I will lose weight.
I am sure that it will be hard.
So, here it is. My new blog. 
Leave encouraging comments.
Leave me new ideas.
Make my day.