Preview to the new blog. Part 1

I have decided that while this blog is called the "west family blog" it is not so much of a family blog. So I am going to change the name of the blog and the things that I will be writing about. 
As of late, well not so much as of late, but really my whole life I have constantly struggled with body image. I go up and down in weight, and am always feeling bad about myself and what I weigh, how I look, what size I am in and all around my self-confidence has really struggled.
The other day while I was at work, I had a customer telling me that she cant bring her 8 year old daughter shopping with her, because she wears a kids size 12 (which is really normal and average, if you know anything about kids clothes, which I happen to be an expert at). She was telling me that she has to buy the clothes and cut the size tag out of her daughters clothes because it brings her daughter to tears to see that she is not wearing the size 8 that her best friend is wearing. I was so sad for the mom that she was already having to deal with a body-conscious pre-teen. I was sad for the little girl that she would feel so badly at such a young age about her body. That she was really already comparing herself to other kids. 
It got me thinking... How old was I when I first starting feeling self-conscious about my body?
I starting.. Developing.. Really young. I was in the 4th grade when I got my "training bra" by the 6th grade, I was wearing an "A" cup when most of the girls in my class were just getting their training bras. One day in class, a girl, who you could call "popular" told me that she had drawn a picture of everyone in the class as an animal, and she chose the elephant for me. She told me that she wanted to let me know that and that she hoped it wouldn't hurt my feelings. Uhm? really? Okay. I told her that it didn't and I didn't care. I cared. A LOT. I went to the office, and called my mom and told her I was sick. She knew I wasn't but came and got me anyway. I told her what had happened and she told me that girls can be mean, there was nothing wrong with my body, and that I wasn't an elephant and we made cookies. 
By the 8th grade I had a full on, teenager, body. Sure I was a teenager, but I mean I looked like I was 18, I was wearing a size 7 and was wearing a size 36D in my bra. I got disgusting comments from boys in my class, I was always being teased and always feeling horrible about it. I had no control of what my body was doing. I had no control that my body was changing so fast, and so early. I was so self-conscious about it. I hated my body, I wore large hoodies to try and hide my body, I slouched and carried myself with no esteem at all. I  was jealous of every other girl in my class because they were getting to wear little tank tops, and little swim suits, and I couldn't find a swim suit that would fit. 
When I got to high school most of the girls had caught up during the summer and I fit in a lot better. Even if the girls my age had not caught up yet, there were hundreds of girls who had. And I started getting attention, in a good way, from the wrong boys, but it made me feel better. 
By the time I had graduated I had found my confidence and I felt great about myself. I was working out almost everyday. I had a really cute boyfriend. We worked out together occasionally and he never had time to take me out on a real date, (yeah, not a super great boyfriend), but I never felt better about myself. 
After I moved out of my parents house and started living on my own, and going to school and not having time to workout everyday like I had been. I actually lost more weight. Having the control over the cooking and what I was eating, I thrived. 
After things had ended with my boyfriend, I was feeling really unsure about things, I was lonely and I had no friends to hang out with besides my friend from high school who I still kept in contact with. So He suggested to one of his friends, we will call Tripp, to take me out. 
When I first met Tripp I was still dating my previous boyfriend. But I felt an instant connection to him and wanted to be by him. He was electrifying to me. Full of personality, so different from, I will call him Rob.
So after Tripp and I started dating, I fell in love with him fast. I loved how much fun we had, and how we connected. 
One night after we had been dating for a while, Tripp decided to push me with some questions and concerns. He talked to me about how I might be a little high-matience and why wouldn't I use cheap shampoo and why do I wear so much makeup and all these questions...Then he said it.. He talked about my FAT POTENTIAL. 
I was so heart broken. Here was this guy, who I loved, who I thought loved me, and he was worried about my FP. I was so devastated. I just wanted someone to love me for me, and take me as I am. 
Sure I had gained like 5 or so pounds when we were dating. I had gone from having a boyfriend who had no time for me, never took me out, to having a boyfriend who took me out every night. (I don't care who you are, if you eat out a lot you gain weight). 
And so my self-loathing began again.